Actual Chat Session Between Nick & Sara LeeAnn, April 30, 2012.
I like how men comment on your Facebook status updates like they’re marking their territory.
You shut up.
Ugh. Remember when *JC used to have to comment on allllllllllll my posts, no matter how insignificant, insisting on calling me “my love” and “darling,” and otherwise making a spectacle of himself? Why are men always wanting to pee on me?
Yeah… Bwahaha! I remember. And, actually, I have always wanted to try that once.
Peeing on me? I swear to god, if you ever try to do that, I will brand your face with a waffle iron.
Not you, specifically. But I’ve heard about it and always been curious. That’s not weird right?
Oh. Then, carry on. Yes, it’s fucking weird. But, men are weird.
I want to blog about this. Or maybe I’ll just post our chat session. Unless you mind people knowing you want to pee on women.
Go for it. It could be a fun test to see if women will still sleep with me knowing that I may or may not pee on them while they are or are not asleep
I’m really creepy sometimes.
If by, “creepy,” you actually mean, “deranged,” then yeah, okay. But, don’t fret. There are women (like myself) who enjoy “deranged.”
So…you’re saying I can pee on you?
Fuck right off. It’s a control thing, right? Why men want to pee on me – figuratively and literally?
Yep. Sure is.
My girlfriend, *Rebekah, had this creep ass boyfriend who pretended to want to have shower sex with her JUST so he could pee on her. I mean, it would be one thing if he then fucked her properly, but… Nope. Just peed and then was like, “nevermind.”
Bwaaha. Your friend *Rebekah is still alive, right?
I’m just saying, boys that only want to pee on girls are boys who usually cut up said girls and put them in the freezer.
Yeah. Well, she dumped him after a few hundred times of being peed on. (Peed upon? Hmmm.) I guess she located her self-respect - and her daddy’s credit card, if I remember correctly. She peed on his toothbrush before she left, though.
The problem is, he probably peed on his own before that.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
People do weird shit, Sara. This is America
This is ‘Merica goddamn it! We pee on our women and then jerk off to Japanese cartoons! You have to say that with a redneck accent or it’s not funny. Also, you have to be drinking Keystone. Which, coincidentally, tastes like pee.
The only time I ever shotgunned a beer, it was keystone. I immediately hated every college frat party I had ever been to. Which was zero. But the message is the same.
F*ck frat boys. And not in the good way.
They probably pee on each other during beta-ki-alpha pledge week.
Guaranteed. So, is that about the point you noticed your initial stirrings of wanting to pee on women, then?
It may be. Henceforth, we can now trace the origins of men wanting to pee on women to college, whenst they were all shotgunning keystones and peeing on each other. We just solved one of life’s mysteries. We’re the tits.
Yeah we are. I’m mentally high-fiving you whilst simultaneously peeing on you. It’s very manly.
Ewwwwwwww. Girls CANNOT pee on boys. What a fucking weirdo.
Well, that’s hardly fair.
Mmmn hmmm. That’s exactly my point. Or would be, had I a point. There is a real double standard here.
Welcome to ‘Merica!
You guys mark your territory by cumming on our faces and peeing on us, and all we get to do is buy you ugly ties and “accidentally” use the wrong guard on the hair clippers. No fair. That’s it. I’m moving to Delhi, India.
Who the fuck gives their boyfriends bad haircuts? First of all, most guys don’t care about their hair. You’re the ones who have to be seen with us.
I know some women personally who have done that just so other women know their guy is taken. No joke.
And we’re the weird ones?
No, you’re the gross ones.
If you see a guy with an uneven haircut and a butt ugly shirt, 9 times out of 10 he’s married - wedding ring or not.
If you see a girl with her hair sticking up, she’s taken as well
I have to pee.
You always have to pee. Because you have the prostate cancer.
Only when I drink!!!
I’m pretty sure you have the prostate cancer when you’re not drinking, too. Wait. Are you drinking right now? It’s 12:49 in the afternoon, dude. And I’m not judging, I’m jealous.
It’s been a long day.
Sorry, baby. I wish you had a laptop so we could sit and drink and work together. Then, you wouldn’t be an actual alcoholic.
The best artists are alcoholics. Hemmingway, Poe, etc…
Bukowski. Yeah. They’re dead. Just… you know, sayin.
Duh. They lived a hundred years ago.
Did any of them die of the prostate cancer? You should Google that.
People pee, Sara!!!
This is ‘Merica.