We wanted to hear from you. We wanted your experiences, your anecdotes, your questions, and your advice. Thanks for your e-mail, and for finding us on Facebook.
Here were your questions! And, let us remind you… you fucking asked for it.
Troy Murray Why do young teens insist they know love?
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes Um. Because they’re stupid idiots? Obviously, teenagers are functionally retarded, so I’m not wasting my time with that question. I think we’re all stupid-idiot-retards when it comes to love because we can justify anything in order to not be alone. We mistake being alone with loneliness. We don’t get that nothing will ever make us so lonely in our whole lives as an empty “love you” and chicken peck on the cheek before the door slams. Or feet not touching under the covers. Or the thick, stale silence born of the realization the person next to you holding the remote control is only there fighting loneliness, too.
Nick Perkins Because MTV told them they do, via shows like Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom 2, Season 2 of 16 and Pregnant, etc. The most annoying thing I ever hear is when teenagers say that even though they’re young, they know what love is. Wrong. They know what sneaking out to see their “boyfriend” is. They know going to the mall. They know sex, the act, but they don’t know sex, the meaning. And that’s why we’re all gonna die.
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes And going to burn in hell.
CaleighBurgen Why do teens have the urge to have a realationship so young?
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes Sex. A relationship means they’re grown ups and grown ups have sex. Yay, sex!
Nick Perkins Teenagers are insistent lately that they’re “more mature.” For some reason or another, like Sara said, kiddos wanna be grownups. They don’t wanna be kids anymore. They don’t wanna do kid things anymore. They don’t wanna go play in a park, or go for a walk, or play with their pro wrestling action figures. They wanna smoke, they wanna drink, and yes, they wanna have sex. And then tweet about it.
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes I want to have sex at the park. But not with pro wrestling action figures.
Brian And Jessica Brehe I would ask why people have to ask these question in the first place? If you are too stupid to figure out that if he hasn’t called you in three weeks and he slept with your fat friend, it means he’s probably not ” the one,” you shouldn’t be in the dating scene in the first place.
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes What if he slept with your skinny friend? Could he still be “the one”? Oh. Wait. Sorry. I’m supposed to be answering questions, not asking them. Asking questions is stupid.
Nick Perkins He’s just not that into you if he’s banging your fat friend. This is true. Clearly that question came from the mecca couple who have it all figured out and don’t need to know anything. J You guys should be the ones doing this! Legit, you’re probably in way more stable of a relationship than we’ve ever been in….Hey, want a job?
Beth Adams Why is it that in this century we still look down on women who sleep around a lot but men get idolized for being” manwhores”????
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes First, I love the word manwhore. Second, the only time I’ve ever been looked down on for sleeping around is when I was underneath someone, naked, so I may not be the best person to answer this. I defer to Nick.
Nick Perkins Wake up sister! That century is over. At least, it has been since you graduated high school. The days of Hester Prynne and The Scarlett Letter are over. Let your freak flag fly! Just be aware of the consequences (what others think of you should be the last consequence you think about, PS). If you’re prepared for what comes with having rando, anonymous sex with strangers (IE. diseases, babies, hurt feelings when he doesn’t text you back, etc) then have it! It’s nobody’s business but your own, doll.
Audrey Griffitts Love is such a complicated matter and nobody truely understands it. The pursuit of happiness is not only human nature but human right. Why do adults try to control something that is impulsive in all humans? We strive for happiness and to feel loved everyone of us the young and the old we all want and need it. It is human nature to search for something to make us feel whole, but the purity of love and sex is being exploited and destroyed. We as a society are exposing our youth to the ideas of it younger and younger and yet we expect them not to search for it as well. Why do we do this?
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes It is complicated. You’re so right, Audrey. I think adults try to stop the younger generation from pursuing love because we are mean and embittered and competitive. I particularly want to stop them from searching for love with their genitals, because I can’t have sex with younger men if teenagers are competing with me. Who is going to choose my 32-year old boobs over that girl’s 18-year old boobs?
Nick Perkins I would. Usually.
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes Thank god (or whomever) for that, babe.
Erin Brock Why do ppl stay in unhappy relationships?
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes In my experience, Erin, it’s because apartment living sucks. Your upstairs neighbor always sounds like an elephant, and the ones next door are constantly arguing and having the cops called. (In fact, most times it’s you who call the cops.) You would move out, but you’re only other option is to rent a house in a nicer part of town with a roommate. A roommate who will bring her stupid pot-head boyfriend over to have noisy sex and eat all your Doritos. Not cool. So, you figure, if you need someone to help you pay the rent, it may as well be a guy you can have noisy sex with. Seems like a good idea at the time. Soon, though, he is eating all your Doritos and you’d rather have sex with someone else; but, you’re trapped in a damned 1-year lease, so you’re trapped in an unhappy relationship. Again.
Right?Anybody else? No. It’s just me. I knew it.
Nick Perkins People are convinced that if they just wait it out, maybe (s)he’ll change. Maybe just maybe, if I love him enough, or am pretty enough, or rich enough, or a good enough cook, or give really, really good blowjobs, he’ll suddenly change his mind and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Chances are, honey, he won’t. Neither will she. I was 22 years old when my girlfriend of four years and I decided to break up. And the biggest thought that we both had was, “we’re both too young to be so unhappy.” So we ended it. We went down different paths and became the people we were supposed to become, and we did it by ourselves. It’s a scary thought to be alone, especially as you get older. I’m 24 now and haven’t really dated anyone since the girlfriend of two years prior. Of course I would want to be with someone, but I’m more concerned about making myself the man that the girl I want to be with actually deserves. You can’t trick someone into continuing to love you. They either do, or they don’t, and if they don’t GET THE EFF out because there is someone out there who will love you for you, not for who they want you to be.
Brittany BezzantMatekovic Why do people keep going back to someone who os such a crappy person, for them as well as society. Yet expect different out comes
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes Hope. We hope others can change, because it means we ourselves are capable of change. That sounds so philosophical. I’m super-smart. I might embroider that onto a hand-towel. Ok, not really. The answer is stupid hope. We stupidly hope that we can change others with our stupid hope.
Nick Perkins The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. So basically, we’re all insane. Because we all do this. Like the above post said, we’re all convinced we’re able to change someone. Wrong. Who we can change, is ourselves. All it takes is a look in the mirror, a chin to proudly hold up, and an attitude that says “I’m the best, you’re not better’n me, and f*ck em if they think they are.” And vodka. Lots of vodka.
Christopher Bragg Why does love hurt so must I came to chicago for a week and I seen my ex and I still love her with all I got all I want to do when I c her is to hold her in my arm and never let her go in till I die bc I still love her man I dont know wat to do can someone help me piz add me on fbpiz help me
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes Holy run-on sentence! Christopher, if you need to talk, personal message Nick or I anytime. We might not be able to give you any good advice, but we’re awesome at giving bad advice and making people laugh.
Nick Perkins Holy shit. Um. First step, take a deep breath. Second step, take a Valium. Third step, like a better baseball team. Fourth step, realize that you are a good guy, with a bright future, and a lot to offer a woman (grammar skills aside). Maybe it’s her, and maybe it isn’t. But pining after her is not the answer. Know who you are, become who you want to be. Figure out what you want, and act accordingly. Is it her? Or is it just ‘someone?’ Is it maybe better to take some time and figure out who YOU are? These are questions worth asking. Also, I’m not sure if telling her that you’re ‘not going to let her go until you die” is a wise phrase to use, friend.
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes I was going to say Zanax, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. You’re a dick, Nick. A dick that gives really good advice, though. High-five. Chris. Can I call you Chris? (Please don’t stalk me.) You’re a nicer guy than Nick. Be encouraged.
Justine Howe What happened to old fashioned chiverly? Why are men and women so quick to jump in the bed? Where has courting gone to? Love is a verb, an active choice to love someone and be willing to work at keeping that love alive!
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes It’s dead. Dead, dead, dead. And I’m in mourning. One of the stages of grief is drinking vodka, right???
Nick Perkins First of all, chivalry. Men and women are quick to jump in the bed because we live in a very “go-go-go” kind of world. Whether it’s from job to job, or relationship to relationship, we all seemingly have the attention span of a 5-year-old with ADD. Plus, alcohol makes everyone more attractive, thus, more likely to bang. I didn’t say it was right, that’s just the way it is. I miss the days of courting too. Of a kiss being the destination, not a five minute sex session in which she faked an orgasm to get you to stop poking around whilst saying “yea ,baby. You like that?” I’ve said it before, I miss the power of a kiss. I miss holding hands and walking through a park. We, as a culture, especially the younger generation, never “forgot” what love is. We never knew to begin with. Our parents f*cked it up for us, and so all we really have to go by is movies and books, which will let us down, and television, which will teach us all the wrong things to do. This is why relationships fail. We look to these things to provide guidance, but they are written with the intent of showcasing drama. That’s the intention. So if we’re using these mediums as templates for how to have a relationship, we’re going to have drama. The problem is, we don’t have a writer who is paid a million dollars per episode to script our happy ending.
To contribute to these riveting, long-winded dialogues, or to ask Nick and Sara a question, e-mail email@example.com and/or firstname.lastname@example.org. Spank you very much!