August 2012
1 post
July 2012
2 posts
June 2012
6 posts
11 tags
A Really Whiny Greek Tragedy Starring Sonny and...
Actual Chat Session Between Nick & Sara LeeAnn, June 15, 2012.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
Nick! I’m watching Burlesque and listening to Cher sing like a man. I miss you.
Nick Perkins
Dude. Tell me you don’t get chills when you listen to “You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me.”
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
No, dude. I do not get chills. I get up and go pee. And make a drink....
4 tags
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Our Father's Day Gift To You: Golf. And Accidental...
Actual Chat Session Between Nick & Sara LeeAnn, June 2, 2012.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
We should do a text chat blog thingy.
Nick Perkins
Mmmkay. Topic?
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
Father’s Day. What to get him. I’ll start. A well-timed blow job. And maybe a pool table or poker table, or me bent over the dining room table. Honestly, I’m really good at this. I have no idea why...
May 2012
2 posts
3 tags
April 2012
6 posts
8 tags
Why Are Men Always Wanting To Pee On Me?
Actual Chat Session Between Nick & Sara LeeAnn, April 30, 2012.
Nick Perkins
I like how men comment on your Facebook status updates like they’re marking their territory.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
Shut up.
Nick Perkins
You shut up.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
Ugh. Remember when *JC used to have to comment on allllllllllll my posts, no matter how insignificant, insisting on calling me “my love” and...
7 tags
To You, From Us, With Love- A Love Letter To Women
So I’m sitting there eating my dry eggs, tasteless biscuits, and floppy bacon listening to her tell me the latest updates on her ‘relationship’ with this guy, we’ll call him ‘Tattool.’ I’m focusing on my shitty food and trying to maintain eye contact (she was wearing a tight tank top and her nipples are pierced. It was hard to focus on her eyes).
Everything she’s telling me, I’ve heard before....
6 tags
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March 2012
6 posts
5 tags
Nick & Sara LeeAnn Answer Your Burning Questions...
We wanted to hear from you. We wanted your experiences, your anecdotes, your questions, and your advice. Thanks for your e-mail, and for finding us on Facebook.
Here were your questions! And, let us remind you… you fucking asked for it.
Troy Murray Why do young teens insist they know love?
Sara LeeAnnBanevedes Um. Because they’re stupid idiots? Obviously, teenagers are functionally...
This Is What Happened
Anton Chigurh- “If the rule you followed led you to this, of what use was the rule?”
Carson Wells- “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Anton Chigurh- “I’m talking about your life. In which now everything can be seen at once.”
- No Country For Old Men
It’s been nearly two years since I became the person I am. In those two years, I’ve experienced things I never thought I would,...
my-fav-or-it-word-is-live asked: I really like the story, my story not my sham. It was amazing.
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My Secrets, Not My Shame
I don’t tell the following stories. Ever. I have never written them but in private letters or my childhood diary. One was splashed all over the newspapers once, long ago - but only the facts, “just the facts, Miss.” I don’t breathe life into these by recounting mainly because they’re painful enough in the transient, surreal images of reliving, that the retelling about...
11 tags
Neil Patrick Harris, Michael Jackson, Jesus and...
Actual Text Messages Between Nick & Sara LeeAnn, March 20, 2012.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
Dude. Fuck my life right now.
Nick Perkins
Right?? Neil Patrick Harris is gay!! I’m bummed too.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
Aw, Doogie Howser was your first crush too, wasn’t he?
Nick Perkins
Yes! But I like him even more as Barney from How I Met Your Mother. Mostly because everyone I know says...
February 2012
3 posts
5 tags
2 tags
8 tags
Cockblocking For Dummies
(Actual Text Conversation)
Him: “Want to know a secret?”
Me: “Absoutely.”
Him: “You sure?”
Me: (thinking it’s a picture of his 11-inch penis) “I’m sure. Particularly if it involves a unicorn or vodka or cake or me winning an obscene sum of money from a dead relative I don’t like.”
Him: “Haha. Well. I have a hairy back....
January 2012
15 posts
2 tags
7 tags
2 tags
8 tags
(500) Days, Months andYears of Lessons Learned...
It’s midnight. I’m tired. I’m finally able to tune out the world, and I’m well on my way to doing just that, when my phone rings. Tentatively, I answer: “Hello?”
“He dumped me.”
And, so it begins. I listen to the story. I empathize with the heartache. I offer the typical-to-the-point-of-being-cliché advice:
“You’re too good for him, anyway.”
“You’ll meet someone who will love you for...
6 tags
Wait a Sec. I Thought You Were Afraid of...
Actual Chat Session Between Nick & Sara LeeAnn, January 4, 2012.
Sara LeeAnn Banevedes
…you’re such a jerkface. If I didn’t love you so much, I’d hate your damned guts.
Nick Perkins
Haha. I try. Ya know, I think our next article should be just a Facebook conversation about something. And we should start it with that last comment you made, cause it makes me look...
LOVE GENIUS: Keeping the Romance Alive #2: The... →
lovegenius:
After dating for a few months, the sex might not be as good as it use to be, long conversations become tedious, and you have probably considered bringing your Match.com profile back to life. Relationships need to be passionate and have passionate places. You’ve probably worn out the little spot…
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“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.”
– ~Swami X
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"I'm Right, You're Wrong." Or, How to Fight Fair....
It’s easy to fall into the “I’m Right, You’re Wrong” trap, which can be damaging to any relationship. If you are so tied up in proving you’re right every time there’s a difference between you and your significant other - bringing up every mistake he/she made in the past and hitting below the belt - chances are you are arguing more often, and your...
7 tags
Watch
HARRY: I love that you get cold when it’s seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to...
2 tags
“you boys can keep your virgins, give me hot old...
Happy New Year to my best friend, co-conspirator, arch nemesis and the only man who can make me cry from sweetness in less than 5 seconds, then make me want to slap him across his perfectly chiseled jaw in the seconds following. You, Nick Perkins, are the icing on my cake and the dirty in my martini.
xo. Sara LeeAnn
5 tags
December 2011
12 posts
7 tags
“Because you just never know when you might need a good, hard salami,...”
– Sara LeeAnn Banevedes, to the slack-jawed deli counter associate at Albertons.
79 Loves
1. bunnies
2. rugby stripes
3. tattered, musty books
4. The Beatles
5. afternoon naps
6. cake
7. polaroid pictures
8. skinny dipping
9. pumpernickel bread
10. rosy cheeks
11. pacific ocean
12. blue cheese crumbles
13. fire escapes
14. vintage suitcases
15. cigar smoke
16. singing in the rain
17. poppies
18. superheroes
19. plank wood floors
20. farmer’s markets
21. figs
...
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